Golfing goof

h/t the MadPriest

Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

“That’s it,” he tells his wife, “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad, once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try?”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a hundred and three. He can’t help.”

“He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother- in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law, “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did,” says Iain “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I don’t remember.”

Story from Bishop John

I have been watching the DVDs of 'The God? Course' and Bishop John tells a story against Bishops that I would like to share...

A Bishop turns up at a meeting to meet parishoners in a certain town but he finds that there are very few people there. He looks around and spots the vicar, sidles up to him and asks whether the meeting has been publicised. The vicar seems rather despondent and replies 'No, but it seems to have got out'.

The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box,"Would you like to go to church

with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet..

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"

... YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS .

This time, a little voice came out of the box,

"I heard you the first time!

I'm putting on my shoes!"

(Thanks Felicity)